*Sits in front of laptop*
*Nervously drums fingers*
*Slams laptop shut*
*Eats chocolate instead*
*Repeats process once a week for a month*
The intro above was just to let you in on the “Process” of how I have worked up the courage to write this blog post.
….OKAAAY, Maybe it was a little bit dramatic… Sometimes I don’t slam the laptop shut, sometimes I just open Netflix instead and then eat the chocolate.
You see, I wish I was Tony Stark, and I just waltzed up back in here like:
But in reality I’m a lot more like Mia Thermopolis in that one scene where she was supposed to give a speech… yeah you remember that one:
It’s just that… I WANT YOU GUYS TO LOVE ME AND THINK I’M FUNNY AND OMG WHAT IF THIS IS FINALLY THE BLOG POST WHERE YOU ALL REALIZE I’M SILLY, AND BORING, AND STUPID, AND, AND, AND…
I’M HOPELESS AND AWKWARD AND DESPERATE FOR LOVE!
See? I’ve barely said anything and I’ve already used 3 moving gifs. I’m definitely trying too hard.
You see, when I talk to someone who loves my blog, it makes me REALLY happy.
…But after the feeling “REALLY happy” passes, a reaction has to come next. There are one of two outcomes.
The two outcomes depend entirely on my previous relationship with the person stating their love for my blog.
If I have known the person personally for a long time and they know what I am like in person, my reaction is pretty standard:
I become a happy, smug, little compliment-sucking Hawkeye. Standard.
You love my writing? AWWWW! THANKS GUUURL! You didn’t know I had such funny thoughts and mad writing skills did you?
If however, the person is more of a stranger, I become the embodiment of the word Awkward. Seriously, look that word up on the Merriam-Webster Online. That word is me.
It goes down something like this:
Person: “Nice to meet you, Margaret! I read your blog and I think it’s hilarious. You have a great sense of humor.”
Me: “Oh really? Thanks!”
My Brain: “OMG. They think I’m funny. Does that mean I have to be witty and funny right now in real life? I can’t be funny without GIFs! Oh gosh, this is too much pressure. I’m gonna tell them the truth right now so they know that I’m actually a really lame cotton-headed-ninnymuggins.”
Anyways, I guess the point of this big, long intro is to say: “Hi Peoples! I’m back! Sorry I was gone for so long. WUUUUV YOU.” ❤ ❤
If you keep up with my family on Facebook, you may have read on my Dad’s blog that I was planning on going to Germany next year in January to live with an amazing missionary family over there and nanny their amazing children.
I am writing this blog post to tell you that my plans have changed.
I am going to BSSM (Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry) in Redding, California.
That’s right, at the end of this month, I will be moving to Redding, California.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “What?? That’s so soon! What are you even thinking?”
And I know. You’re right. But sometimes, our God calls us to do crazy things. He calls us to madness, in all-out reckless obedience, trusting that He is faithful to make it happen.
When he first started speaking it to me again, I was so confused. I felt that doors for Germany were opening, and “Hey, why mess with what’s working?” If it’s working… Its right. Right?
Well, No. Not exactly. He kept bringing it up to me. He wouldn’t let it be. I remember one morning I was balling my eyes out to my daddy on the phone, feeling so confused about what I was supposed to do.
I remember telling him, “Dad, I just feel like Riley Poole (Geeky side kick from National Treasure — Yes, I reference movie characters when I’m balling my eyes out to my Dad about hearing God’s voice. You don’t?) “Dad, I just feel like Riley Poole when he is frustrated with following all the clues to the treasure and says, “Why can’t they just say, ‘Go to this place, and here is the treasure, spend it wisely?'”
At one point I almost thought about asking Him for a crazy sign to prove to me that I was supposed to take this step. You know, like Gideon with the fleece. Not that sign exactly… I don’t think I even have any fleece, but you know what I mean.
But then I felt Holy Spirit rebuke me. His rebuke always feels more like a romantic declaration of love, so it feels weird calling it a rebuke, but still.
He said, “Margaret, we’re on more of a talking basis than that.”
I froze. I gasped. Do you see how it was a rebuke and a romantic declaration of love at the same time?
The God of the universe just told me that I have more access to Him… more of a personal relationship with Him than Gideon of the Old Testament did.
And all of the sudden I realized what I was doing.
Have you ever seen a romantic movie and there is a scene that goes something like this:
Guy in aforementioned movie: “I LOVE YOU!”
Girl in aforementioned movie: “Well, if you really love me, you will do (Insert stupid, irrelevant action) and PROVE it.”
Haven’t you ever just wanted to slap that girl and yell at her? “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? The dude loves you. Just GET OVER yourself!”
I was being THAT girl.
So, I nixed my fleece idea, and I just started listening to Him.
He spoke to me. He conversed with me. He sent people, and songs, and pretty much everything else you can imagine to me to confirm what He was saying.
Basically, I’m trying to tell you that He said, “Go to this place. Here’s the treasure. Spend it wisely.”
So I am. As of yesterday, I received my official acceptance letter, and I can tell you that I have never felt so certain of his calling and direction.
At the same time that I have never felt surer of what I am supposed to do, I have also never been in a position where it will all fully rely on God’s provision.
Usually, when He has called me to something in the past, I have had the ability to make it happen (Financially speaking). But this time, I am just having to step out, and trust.
The tuition for first year is $4,400
The cost of gas to drive out to Redding, CA is going to be upwards of $500
And my Room and Board once I get there will be about $680 a month (Sept. 2014 – May 2015)
So, I’m asking for your support. I hate doing it. I have always hated doing it. I wish I had ALL THE MONIES, ALL THE TIME, and I could be the one doing the supporting.
But sometimes God asks us to be humble– to be vulnerable, and to do things that we hate. He will provide, but that doesn’t give us a free pass to avoid anything that makes us uncomfortable.
This is me, humbly asking for your support. I pray that one day I will be the one who is able to do the supporting.
If you would like to give towards this there are a few ways of doing that.
You can give directly towards my tuition here
Another way is to give to my parents ministry account at paypal: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=LB8ZAKW5XLN5N (You will just need to specify that it is for me. All donations to this account are tax deductible.)
Lastly, you can mail a check to this address:
4960 Bentridge Dr. NW Concord, NC 28027
(You can make the check out to ISAAC with “For Margaret” in the Memo line. This will also be tax deductible)
And also, please know that I value your prayers every bit as much as your money. Please pray for me as I take this adventure with God.
Uhg, “Asking for support” probably comes right after “Writing the first blog post after a 8 month long absence” on my Things-I-hate-to-do list.
So, I’m going to go now, because