I just have one thing to say R.O.U.S’s. They exist. I’m just assuming that you have all seen “The Princess Bride” because it is totally a classic. But, if you haven’t, “R.O.U.S.” stands for “Rodents Of Unusual Size”
Yesterday Dad started yelling from outside the house telling us to come look at the huge rat the dogs just killed. I didn’t really want to get up from the computer to go and see it as the dogs kill big rats all of the time. When everybody started freaking out I decided to go look…
It was HU MUNG US. The biggest rat I have ever seen in my life. I immediately thought, “Ooh, I should take a picture of that for my blog.” But… I’m sort of a procrastinator so…
later that day, I asked Dad what he did with it and he said he had double wrapped it in plastic bags and thrown it away. Benjamin offerred to get it out with me so I could take a picture for you guys. But we had been working on plumbing and I am sort of a procrastinator so…
Well, I woke up this morning and was all like, “Heeeey Benj, let’s go take a picture of that rat.” He was not buying it. He told me that that offer had expired due to the length of time since the rat had ceased to live. He had a point but I couldn’t just let it go. I mean, you guys deserve to see this thing. Because, If I tell you it was “Thissssss BIIIIIIIIIIIG” You wouldn’t believe me anyways.
I was making some muffins and I determined that as soon as I put the first batch in, I was going to go for it. I am used to stink. I live in a land that produces some of the most horrifying smells you can imagine. Huge dead rat can’t be that bad… right?
I got the camera and marched out to the trash can and opened the lid. There was the bag sitting there all by itself. Unmistakable. I pulled it out of the bin. I could see flies and other UFO’s buzzing around inside the bag. I’m beginning to think this isn’t such a good idea. I gulped for breath and started to untie the first knot. (Dad always double knots trash) The stench that was unleashed with the untying of that first knot was overwhelming and unbearable. I jumped away from it trying to breath… Why am I doing this??? Remember the blog Margaret… do it for the blog. Another huge gulp of air and I go in for the second knot. Finally releasing the full stench of the dead rat. I dumped it in the ground, and ran up to the porch to get one of Benjamin’s size 12-13 Flip Flops for size reference. I thought I was safe to breathe a few yards away. I was wrong. The smell was enveloping the whole yard. I ran back and snapped the two pictures.
Ok, Margaret, the hard part is over now. You just have to get it back in the fly infested bag and throw it away again. No big deal. Wait, did I mention that there was dog poop on the bag too? Nevermind…
Using the clean outside part of the bag to shield my hand I tried to pick it up. Riga mortis should have set in right? Wrong. It felt like it was filled with water. It was squishing around like one of those weird water snake thingys we all used to play with. I used to LOVE those things. Despite having a plastic bag between you and the actual fur of the dead rat in question, it is not fun to play with a stinky, dead, furry rodent-water snake.
Eventually I got it in the bag. And I cast it back into the filthy chasm from whence it came.
*Warning there are disturbing images ahead*
OHMYGOSH! that is DISGUSTINGLY huge. I am so glad you went through all of that for us!
That's awesome. Reminds me of a dead cat I once found outside my bedroom window. Ended up burning the worms out of it. Took pictures, but decided they were too graphic for facebook. You're pretty brave for putting the rat up here though.And to answer the question of what I did today… I slept off a cold for half a day, then continued working to get our Christian radio station back up. In a few more days, 92.0 will be back on the air!
Hahahaha! Me too!
I'm sorry you've been sick! I had a cold last week. 😦 Worms? Uhg, that's almost too graphic to say. Hope you get your radio station running smoothly!
Loving the details. short comment in case it doesn't work again.
Ew ew ew ew ew! HAHAHAHAHAHA – so so good! And next time I'd really prefer that you hold the rat up by the tail, that would help me with size comparison even more. Annnnnnnd, I hope you did some major surgeon style scrubbing before you went back to those muffins. Muffins scented with dead decaying monster rat… ummm, no thanks.
seriously – was was GAGGING along as you described the rat's stench – then you wrote about the dog poop – BARF! hahahahahahahaha! hilarious!
Loving your stories! But I live with you and I am grossed out.
It worked this time!
Yes! Bahahahahhahaa. Used the scrubby brush under the nails and everything. ROUS muffins = No Bueno
The power of good word descriptions oh writing teacher of mine. 🙂
Margaret. That was hilarious. I can see you now. Hahaha. Makes me laugh so hard. I agree with Missy, should of held it by the tail for better judge of size ;). And, Benj… Backing out. What! Today in Milan we had a fun day of school, cleaned up after Milan dumped a whole loaf of bread in the floor and broke pieces of it up everywhere. He is into everything right now. Found Moriah asleep inside my pillow case at nap time. And, it's snowing. Love ya!
I miss you all So So much sandy! Milan is SO big now sometimes I think his pictures are of moriah! I wanna see a pic of moriah asleep in your pillowcase! S cute! Love you!!!