When Life gives you Vitamin Enriched Prune Juice

Heeeey Peoples!!

As most of you know, the 21st was Mom’s birthday. We had spent the day so far opening her AmAzing presents and eating pizza at the mall. This is one of Mom’s all-time favorite foods. Pizza with pepperoni. No frills.

Anyways, after we had finished our meal at Pizza Company, (where this pizza is way better than it is at Pizza Hut) we headed home. When we got there we flipped on the AC and decided to chill for awhile before we continued with the partying.

That’s when Dad saw Boon Lurt (our 72 year old Thai worker) staring in our kitchen window. Boon Lurt has this thing, where he just can’t grasp the concept of knocking on the door. So, he will go around until he finds a window with the curtains drawn back and just stand there peering in until someone notices him.  It’s kinda freaky, because you’re just walking around your living room and then: BOOM. Boon Lurt.

He is watching you…

Dad walked out onto the porch and Boon Lurt began to tell him that we had just missed this student who wanted to interview us, and if we could just spend a little while talking to this student that would be great.

Dad walked back in and our conversation went something like this:

Dad: “Hey, Margaret, if the student is a girl could you just talk to her for a little while and answer any questions she has?  I really need a nap.”

Me: *long sigh* “Ok. What if it’s a dude?”

Dad: “If it’s a dude you can wake me up.”

Dad went to take his nap.

Ok, Before we proceed, you need to know a little back story. I like to do these workout videos on youtube and about 2 days before mom’s birthday I had done one (That I have done several times before I might add) that did something terrible to my calves. They were so tight and sore that it took me 2 full minutes to stretch them out enough to stand up straight, because I couldn’t put my heels on the ground. And if I ever sat down for 5 mins+ they would revert to their tight and painful state. This resulted in me walking with my legs spread 4 feet apart and on my tiptoes for the first couple of minutes.

Something like this:

That is actually more realistic than I care to admit.

Ok, back to the story. We hear a car pull up and Benj runs to the door.

“They’re here Marg!”

“Is it a guy or a girl?”

“Both. There are about 5 of them.”

I had been sitting on the couch using the computer, so I got up and walked like Mr. Bean up there into my bedroom to find a top to put over the tank top I was wearing. I spotted the jacket that I had taken off after we got back from the mall. My thought process went something like this:

“Oh, I’ll just throw this on. It’ll only be for a few minutes. It’s not that hot. I can stand it.”

BAhahhahahhahahahhahahahhahahhahahhaa

hahhahahhahaha

haha

ha…

*Facepalm*

Anyways, I throw the jacket on and walk out the door. I still haven’t had my full 2 minutes to un-zombify my walking. I greet them and ask what they need as I unconvincingly try to make my walking appear normal. They probably thought I was gimp.

They told me that they were from so and so university and if they could get an interview from me for their english class that would be helpful.  They smiled and flashed their gift of Vitamin Enriched Prune Juice — complete with purple poinsettia.

This is the stuff of dreams. In the comercial any guy that downs one of these instantly gets all the pretty girls in the immediate vicinity. It’s really magical. Use with discretion.
So, of course I’m in.  Besides, these interviews are a piece of cake. I have done them many times. Usually a group of young people approach me at the mall and ask me for one interview. I always do it for them if I have time because I know that they have to go white person hunting until they get their interview. And, If I was a schoolgirl, I would much rather talk to me than any of the 80 year old white guys who sit at Bud’s Ice-cream of San Francisco. Trust me.

I sit down on our bench with one of the girls. She pulls out her magazine and shows me the questions she is going to ask me so I can prepare. Her buddy pulls out his smartphone to videotape our interview. The interview takes about 2 minutes and goes something like this:

WHAT is your name?

WHAT is your quest?

WHAT… is your favorite color?

see? Piece of cake. I know the drill.

Or so I thought. I get up to say goodbye to them when they say, “Oh, no. we need to do this interview with five people.”

Great. That means I have to bribe, threaten, and finagle Benjamin, Isaac, Ruth, and Mom into doing it to avoid waking dad up from his nap.

I go in and begin the begging with phrases like, “Could you please?” “It’s SO easy.” “Seriously took me like, two minutes.” “They are just gonna ask you what your favorite color is.” “PLEASE?”

They head out and do their interviews. As Mom is watching Isaac do his interview she asks, “Do all five of them need five interviews?”

I reply, “No.”  Then less confidently, “Oh, I hope not.”

Let it be known that Mom is always right. Or, at least she was right in this case. Do the math people. TWENTY-FIVE interviews.

It took about an hour and a half, Mom telling one of the students that smoking would kill him, Me dying of sweat underneath my jacket (but hey, at least I looked fabulous), and a lot of snarky remarks from Isaac to get through the interviews.

A few snippets from Isaac’s interviews:

Thai girl: “What is your favorite food?”

Isaac: “Red Meat. And a lot of it.”

Thai boy: “What are you doing in Thailand?”

Isaac: *Puts his hands behind his head and props his feet up* “Livin’ the Thai life.”

We also found out that Benjamin is a pathological liar. At least about his favorite food.

The interviews were followed by a photo shoot.  You know, I don’t even want to know how many pictures of me there are floating around the Thai social networks.

Before they left, Mom gave them each a New Testament.  Dad woke up just as they pulled out of the driveway.

We finished Mom’s Birthday with some Settlers of Catan and a movie.

Oh, and Cake. #Duh

The Moral of the story is: When life gives you Vitamin-Enriched Prune Juice give it to the old Thai guy who stares in your windows.
…And Mom is the coolest woman I know.
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5 thoughts on “When Life gives you Vitamin Enriched Prune Juice

  1. Bahahahahaha! Mom told me about Boon Lurt doing that, so funny! It's really magical. Use with discretion. Um, yeah – I'd be in too. Though I have to tell you, I think most Americans would stumble a bit over "WHAT is your quest" My quest? Like, off on a dragon slaying, treasure plundering, maiden saving quest?

  2. Pingback: A Few Updates… | Livin' The Thai Life

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